L O S T: The Musical
by DharmaMotorPool
Summary: In this heartfelt and humorous  yet almost completely false  account of our beloved show, you'll laugh, cry, dance, and sing your way through the memories. So put the lime in the coconut, and read 'em both up!...or something.


L O S T: The Musical

By: Gina Bisceglia

_**Act 1, Scene 1**_

_ [Opening bars of Bob Marley's "Don't Worry" begin to play, and we see Jack, Kate, Sayid, and Juliet tromping through the jungle on their way to the beach camp.]_

**Jack** _[sings]:_ Don't worry 'bout a thing, 'cause every little thing is gonna be alright…

**Juliet** _[chuckles and shakes head disbelievingly]:_ Right, Jack, whatever you say…

**Jack** _[continues singing, despite strange looks from Kate and Sayid]:_ Rise up this mornin', smiled with the risin' sun. Three little birds pitch by my doorstep, singin' sweet songs of melodies pure and true, sayin', "This is my message to you-ou-ou": _[takes a much less enthusiastic Juliet's hand and dances with her. Kate watches jealously] _Singin' don't worry 'bout a thing, 'cause every little thing gonna be all right…

**Juliet**: I wish it were that easy, Jack, but your people…they're not gonna be too keen on my being there.

**Jack**: Well, y0u're one of us now, whether they're keen on it or not.

**Sayid**: Is she, Jack? One of _us?_ _[glares at Juliet suspiciously]_

**Jack** _[adamantly]:_ Yes, Sayid, she is. Now come on, we're almost there.

**Juliet** _[unenthusiastically]:_ Can't wait.

_[The quartet arrives at the beach and are greeted by their Lostie friends. Amidst the happy hugging, Sawyer notices Juliet hanging back by the bushes.]_

**Sawyer**: What the hell's _she_ doin' here?

**Jack**: Mellow out, Sawyer, she's with us.

**Sawyer** _[disbelievingly]:_ She's with _us_. Riiight. _[narrows eyes and stares at Juliet]_

**Juliet**: It's true, James. They left me behind for betraying them.

**Sawyer**: And how exactly did you betray them?

**Juliet** _[folds arms]:_ By saving your life.

**Sawyer** _[after a pause]:_ Oh, that…

**Charlie**: Wait, you saved his life? You're one of _them_.

**Jack**: No she's not, Charlie. Not anymore. Right, Juliet?

**Juliet** _[curt nod]:_ I have hated Benjamin Linus for _years_. As far as I'm concerned, his deciding to leave me behind is the best thing that could have happened.

**Charlie**: So you're not gonna try and kill us in our sleep, then?

**Juliet** _[with a slight sideways smile]:_ Not planning on it.

**Charlie**: Well alright, there you have it.

**Hurley**: Anyone who isn't cool with the Un-Henry Gale is okay in my book _[he shrugs]._

**Sawyer**: Well okay, so we got one of 'em over here on our side. How do we know he ain't usin' her to get to us?

**Juliet**: You don't. But no matter what Ben is or isn't planning, I'm not with him. Not anymore, and never, ever again.

**Charlie **_[after a beat]:_ I think a song is in order, don't you?

**Juliet**: You read my mind, Charlie.

_[Charlie picks up his guitar and begins to play Tamar Kaprelian's "New Day]_

**Juliet** _[sings]:_ Before the light, I found the dark. Before tonight, I fell apart. Frozen up, I've realized that something's gotta change. It took a crash to understand _[smirks at Jack],_ time kept slipping through my hands. I never used to know the sun will shine after the rain.

Say goodbye, say goodbye to the way I was before _[walks up to Sawyer],_ say hello, say hello to a new way. _[She takes Sawyer's hands and dances with him; he is hesitant at first, but smiles and goes along with it]_ I was lost, but I found what I was looking for. Waking up, waking up to a new day. To a new day…

_[She releases Sawyer and begins walking toward the water, singing nostalgically as she gazes out at the ocean]_ I was sleeping in a twisted dream, dying just to make believe. A pretty situation was far from where I was. I'm not up for giving up, lying down and out of luck. _[She turns back around, arms open]_ My mistakes are in the open, and now I'm finally coming clean.

_[Jack comes towards her and dances with her happily as she sings the chorus] _Say goodbye, say goodbye to the way I was before, say hello, say hello to a new way. I was lost, but I found what I was looking for. Waking up, waking up to a new day.

_[__**Charlie**__ harmonizes]_ Cause everything, everything ends at the start. I'm healing and feeling all of my scars.

_[She approaches Sawyer again, looking into his eyes as she softly sings] _Say goodbye, say goodbye to the way I was before, say hello, say hello to a new day…

_[She turns back to the group, who all join in the final chorus, couples dancing with each other]_ I was lost, but I found what I was looking for. Waking up, waking up to a new day. To a new day…

**Sawyer **_[to Juliet]_: Well, that was all peaches n' cream, Sunshine, but actions speak louder than words.

**Hurley**: Yeah, I mean, the last one of you guys who came into our camp to mess with us…well, he's buried over there…_[nods towards Ethan's grave]_

**Juliet**: I'm not Ethan. It was never part of the plan for him to hurt any of you, he just…went off book.

**Charlie**: He '_went off book'?_ He hung me from a sodding tree!

**Juliet**: Some people are just inherently wicked…

**Charlie** _[sings as "No One Mourns the Wicked" begins to play]:_ No one mourns the wicked!

**Kate **_[sings]:_ No one cries, "they won't return!"

**All sing**: No one lays a lily on their grave…

**Boone** _[sings]:_ The good man scorns the wicked!

**Women** **sing**: Through their lives, our children learn

**All** **sing**: What we miss, when we misbehave…

**Juliet**: And goodness knows, the wicked's lives are lonely. _[looks towards Ethan's grave]_ Goodness knows, the wicked die alone. It just shows, when you're wicked, you're left only on your own. _[Jack lays a hand on her back]_

**All** **sing**: Yes, goodness knows, the wicked's lives are lonely. Goodness knows, the wicked cry alone. Nothing grows for the wicked, they reap only what they've sown…

**Juliet** _[spoken, music ends]:_ Are people born wicked, or do they have wickedness thrust upon them?

**Sawyer **_[thick with innuendo]:_ Well, if you're Ben Linus, I don't think you're _thrustin'_ much of anything. _[exaggerated laughs]_

**Desmond**: Speaking of Ben Linus, what are we gonna do about him and all the Others? Jack, you said John blew up the sub that was gonna get us out of here.

**Jack**: He did. Something about it being a 'sacrifice the island demanded…'

**Boone**: What is _with_ that guy and sacrifices?

**Desmond**: Where _is_ John, anyway?

**Boone**: I think he's hunting boar.

**Sawyer**: So what's the plan, doc?

**Jack**: Just give me some time to think about our next move. Why don't we all get some sleep, and we'll talk about it in the morning, okay? _[Everyone agrees and heads off to bed] _Juliet, I'll help you set up a tent. _[Juliet nods and walks towards Jack's tent]_

**Sawyer** _[mutters]:_ I'm sure you will…

**Jack**: What was that?

**Sawyer**: Nothin', nothin' at all. Don't have too much fun there, doc. Sometimes a tent is just a tent. _[grins]_

**Jack**: What, are you jealous?

**Sawyer**: Of you and the Other? Get real.

**Jack**: Well, if you are, you shouldn't be. 'A tent is just a tent', Sawyer. Juliet's my friend.

**Sawyer**: Right. Whatever you say, doc.

**Jack** _[teasingly]:_ You'd make a cute couple, you and her.

**Sawyer**: _Shaddup_.

**Jack** _[chuckles]:_ I'm just saying, chemistry's chemistry…

**Sawyer** _[ultra-sarcastically]:_ That's one explosion I'm stayin' away from. Thanks anyhow.

**Jack**: Whatever you say, Sawyer. Night!

**Sawyer**: Yeah, yeah, get outta here. _[He watches as Jack joins Juliet, his eyes fixated on her for a few moments. He shakes his head and whispers to himself] _Get a grip! She's just a damn Other._ [He ducks into his tent. Fade to black]_

_Act 1, Scene 2  
><em>

_[Morning. Everyone is either roaming or sitting around the beach, feeling rather glum. Aaron is crying, Claire and Charlie trying to soothe him. Jack and Juliet are eating mangoes while Kate and Sawyer look on from their respective tents, Sawyer glancing over his book at them. Hurley is sitting with Libby, Sayid, Shannon, Boone, and Desmond, trying to get their spirits up with a game of cards. Rose and Bernard are doing laundry, Sun and Jin are taking a walk.]_

**Jack**: You know Sawyer has a crush on you, right?

**Juliet** _[chuckles and shakes her head]:_ Jack, be serious.

**Jack**: I am.

**Juliet**: Can we talk about the plan now?

**Jack**: Alright, alright. [He laughs. They get up and gather everyone together] Okay, everyone. Juliet and I have been talking, and she thinks another sub might already be on its way here.

**Juliet**: I think our best option is to commandeer it, but to get off the island, you have to travel at a specific bearing. I don't know what that bearing is, or when the new sub is coming in…but I think I know how we can find out. [She reaches back and unclips her walkie talkie from her waistband] I brought this when we left the barracks, thought it might come in handy. [hands it to Sayid]

**Sayid**: Perhaps I can pick up their transmissions, maybe even triangulate the signals to find out where they are hiding.

**Juliet**: Exactly. And once we know what their plan is, we can use it to figure out our own.

**Hurley**: Okay, so say we find out where they are and stuff. What exactly are we gonna like…_do_?

**Jack**: Fight.

**Hurley**: Okay, but—

**Jack**: Live together, die alone, Hurley. We've gotta band together! _[Background chords of Muse's "Uprising" begin to play] _Together, we can show them we're not gonna just sit back and take their abuse. They may have been here before us, but that doesn't give them the right to play god with our lives.

_[Sings]_ They will not force us, they will stop degrading us! They will not control us. We will be victorious! So come on!

_[Everyone looks on skeptically, but Jack continues to sing_] Interchanging mind control, come, let the revolution take its toll. If you could flick the switch and open your third eye, you'd see that we should never be afraid to die, so come on!

**Juliet** _[stands by Jack's side, sings]:_ Rise up and take the power back,

**Sawyer** _[Stands at Juliet's side, sings]:_ It's time the fat cats had a heart attack.

**Kate** _[Stands at Jack's other side, sings]:_ They know that their time's coming to an end,

**Jack, Kate, Juliet, and Sawyer** _[sing]:_ We have to unify and watch our flag ascend!

**Hurley and Charlie** _[fist-pump as they sing]: _So come on!

**Jack, Kate, Juliet, Sawyer, Hurley, Charlie** _[sing, trying to motivate everyone else, which slowly begins to work as the rest of the camp joins in the song]:_ They will not force us, they will stop degrading us! They will not control us. We will be victorious! So come on!

**All sing:** They will not force us, they will stop degrading us! They will not control us. We will be victorious! So come on!

**Hurley **_[slightly out of breath from all the festivity]_: Dudes…that was _awesome_.

**Jack**: You see? All we have to do is stick together. _[smiles proudly and looks at Kate]_

**Sayid**: I'm going to go see if I can make this work.

**Shannon**: I'll join you! _[They scamper off to his tent]_

**Sawyer**: I got a bottle of sunscreen that says he wasn't talkin' about the radio…

_[Juliet laughs. The crowd begins to disperse]_

**Jack**: Kate, you wanna go for a walk, maybe find something to eat?

**Kate**: Sorry, Jack, I've got some laundry to do. Maybe I'll catch you later. _[she shrugs and heads off]_

_[Jack slumps slightly, defeated]_

**Juliet**: I'll go with you, Jack. All that singing made me hungry.

Jack _[looking happier]:_ Thanks. _[They head down the beach, fade to black]_

_**Act 1, Scene 3**_

_[Hurley, Charlie, Desmond, Sawyer, and Boone are sitting around, playing cards. Sawyer sees Jack and Juliet down the beach and is distracted by her]_

**Hurley** _[to Sawyer]:_ Dude, snap out of it!

**Sawyer**: Ah, I fold. _[he throws his cards down]_

**Hurley**: Uh, that's nice, but we're playing rummy.

**Charlie**: He can't be blamed for his actions, Hurley. He's in _love_.

**Sawyer**: Can it, half-pint. _[chucks a card at him]_

**Desmond**: Love's a many splendored thing, brother. Ya shouldn't be throwin' away the opportunity if it comes your way.

**Sawyer**: Oh would ya knock it off? I don't even _know_ her, it's just_…[looks off into the distance at Juliet, who is clad in shorts and a tank top, as she walks along the beach with Jack]_ She's got great legs, don't she? Ya know, for an Other…

**Hurley**: Yeah, dude. _That's_ what you were lookin' at.

**Boone** _[shrugs]:_ I'd tap that.

_[Sawyer glares at him]_

**Charlie**: Whoa, if looks could kill!

_[Boone, Charlie, Hurley, and Desmond laugh, Sawyer continues to glare at them, then stares off at Juliet and Jack]_

**Sawyer** _[mutters]:_ Son of a bitch…

**Desmond**: Well go _get_ her, then!

**Sawyer**: I can't just…she's an _Other_. She's—

**Boone**: A rebel.

**Sawyer**: She's a saint.

**Boone** _[sings, Green Day's "She's a Rebel" begins]:_ She's the salt of the earth, and she's dangerous!

**Sawyer** _[singing]:_ She's a rebel, vigilante. Missing link on the brink of destruction. From Chicago, to Toronto, she's the one that they call 'old whatsername'. She's the symbol of resistance, and she's holdin' on my heart like a hand grenade!

_[all play air guitar]_ Is she dreamin' what I'm thinkin'? Is she the mother of all bombs, gonna detonate? Is she trouble, like I'm trouble? Make it a double, twist of fate, or a melody that she sings, the revolution, the dawning of our lives. She brings this liberation that I just can't define, well nothing comes to mind!

_[boys play air guitar while Sawyer stares at Juliet, who meets his gaze and smiles. He quickly turns back to the others, who sing background vocals]_ She sings the revolution, the dawning of our lives. She brings this liberation that I just can't define, well nothing comes to mind!

**Boone** _[sings]:_ She's a rebel!

**Desmond** _[sings]:_ She's a saint!

**Charlie and Hurley** _[sing]:_ She's the salt of the earth, and she's dangerous!

**Boone** _[sings]:_ She's a rebel!

**Desmond** _[sings]:_ Vigilante!

**Sawyer** _[sings]: _Missing link on the brink of destruction!

**All** **sing**: She's a rebel, she's a saint, she's the salt of the earth and she's dangerous. She's a rebel, vigilante. Missing link on the brink of destruction.

**Charlie**, **Hurley**, **Boone**, **Desmond** _[sing]:_ She's a rebel, she's a rebel, she's a rebel

**Sawyer** _[sings, looking back at Juliet]:_ And she's dangerous…

**Charlie**, **Hurley**, **Boone**, **Desmond** _[sing]:_ She's a rebel, she's a rebel, she's a rebel

**Sawyer** _[sings]:_ And she's dangerous! _[song ends]_

**Charlie**: You really should just go on and get her, mate.

**Sawyer**: Nah. Even when she was one of _them_, she was outta my league.

**Boone**: Yeah. She is. _[Sawyer shoves his shoulder lightly, Boone laughs]_ But that doesn't mean you can't give it a shot.

**Charlie**: Yeah, go on, Romeo. Claim your Juliet.

**Sawyer**: Can it, Shakespeare, I ain't doin' it.

**Hurley**: Are you…chicken?

**Sawyer**: What are we, in third grade? I ain't no chicken, I just ain't doin' it.

**Hurley**: Dude, I know chickens. I worked at Mr. Cluck's Chicken Shack.

_[Charlie, Des, and Boone laugh]_

**Sawyer**: Oh for the love of—

**Charlie, Boone, Hurley, and Des **_[interrupting]:_ Juliet!

_[Sawyer grumbles and ducks into his tent. Fade to black as the others laugh and chat]_


End file.
